Have you ever heard the tale of the “Ham falling on the baby”? I totally just googled it and nothing came up so I’m wondering if this is a real tale or a tale that was created just for my childhood.

My mom told me when I was very young the story of a mother who was married to a butcher (I guess) who apparently had hung a ham over the baby’s crib. The mother was constantly worried about the “ham falling on the baby” – an analogy of being worried all the time that something bad was going to happen. This is really how I have lived my whole life. Currently the fear (aka “ham”) is my job and preventing the loss of said job. It’s always been a tough environment but I usually was surrounded or managed by people in my “tribe”. People who liked me. A recent change in management has made it feel more like being captured by the warring tribe of people who don’t like/get me and trying to stay alive as a POW.

It feels like I’m losing this battle. So when I give up? When do I smuggle the spoon and start working an Andy Dufresne? It’s hard to realize that I have to give up. I have to surrender and let the bad guys win this time. I have to surrender to the stronger powers.

There’s the “ham” that’s going to fall. If they succeed and I leave this job… will I end up homeless on the streets? Will I turn to crack and meth and prostitute myself for food? Will I end up even worse, working for the same type people somewhere else for lower pay? Will I end up with a cashier’s job at the Texaco barely scraping together enough for bread and coffee? Would that be the worst thing that could happen?

And then what if… the “ham” doesn’t fall. What if the “ham” ends up being a good “ham”? It doesn’t fall but ages to a maple, honeyed, loveliness. It turns into the ultimate gift for me. It remains firmly where it is and provides me with a home that has genuine hardwood floors and a backyard? The “ham” brings me a soul mate and another pay raise.

Can we visualize both and end up somewhere in the middle (wherein nothing changes)?

And seriously wtf with this story? I wonder if my mom just made that up (scratching my head).