If I had advices for my younger self or other girls becoming women it would be this: Be kind and do your best. It can be exhausting being a woman in America. You have the heavy expectations of yourself, of other women, and of men. We battle with our sexuality every day at work. If you come in too dressed up there is always the potential of being slut-shamed and unsolicited attention. If you dress down you are subject to a worse fate – being ignored altogether.

Climbing that ladder is really a climb with a clear up-skirt shot. We cannot be seen only for our competency – because no matter how many pant suites you own, your “yoni” will always be there. You are going to be subjected to not only heavy, hard and fast, competition but seething jealousy. Competition can be healthy motivation, but jealousy is toxic and unproductive.

How do I make all of this into a fist-pump positive statement for women advancing in their careers?

How do I not wail from the rooftop that the minute you pull ahead of the pack it is the women around you (not always the men) that will try to hold you back?

How do I tell them that if you want to be successful, you may find yourself alone and excluded and the topic of gossip and scorn?

That the women, who should be supporting each other, are making fun of your clothes, your mannerisms, your sex life, your physicality, your double chin, and your ass! I know this to be true because I’ve done it! And with brutal accuracy. I’ve torn apart mentors and even friends when I have seen an opening to get-in-where-I-can-fit-in. I am so ashamed of this now. And I know that at the core of it there is a deep biological force to establish hierarchy and secure resources, like the hunter lionesses that we are – but that doesn’t make me feel better – because I should be better.

So advice, it is so hard for me to give. Because women, like men, can be wonderful and aiding and warm and compassionate and also brutal, mean, and toxic. Flip the coin and hope that you don’t end up under the tender loving care of the Dragon Lady or Queen Bee or worse, be that.

So my advice for women during women’s month is this:

Don’t be like that. Don’t be like Susan. (Unless we are talking about Susan B. Anthony).