But, but, but… why if it feels more like you are dying. Not unlike me I have an obsession with scary situations, death in particular. There is a street corner about a block from me which seems to be accumulating a body count. A 13 year old girl was killed making her way to 7-11 and then this week a father of 6 attempted to cross the road there as well and was hit by not one, but two cars.

Death is like bombs going off in the distance that appear to be getting closer and closer every minute and every year. Your mom likes to ominously say “This may be the last time we do [insert activity here] or see [insert person’s name here]” too frequently these days. Of course she has been saying that ever since she started getting a senior discount, but lately it’s rang a bit too true.

It’s not the death that I’m afraid of. It’s the incompleteness of my life I find so hard. It’s all the hours on the couch, drinking beer, watching old seasons of Hell’s Kitchen and Survivor that I’m finding hard to justify. Sure we all need our downtime, but will those activities highlight my eulogy. I need to pay more attention at work. I need to pay more attention to my son. I need to pay more attention in general.

Or at the end of the day I need to accept that this is me. Drive hard, soft, and just be okay with a simple existence.

I’m grateful to be alive. I’m happy to be here on this planet today.