Ahhh… I have been dabbling in a little experiment of self promotion this morning. On the prodding and gentle suggestion of my talented sister to take myself public on the Instamagram. I’m deeply afraid and unnerved by self-promotion. Like a 7-year old approaching the school auditorium stage for the first time and feeling the scarlet bloom on her cheeks. I don’t want to be seen. Also blogging. I’ve been blogging in secret on here for days. Do I want this to be seen to? No…or more like hell naw!

I mean I’ve always prided myself by my main super power of being able to stay far into the dark recess of a cave called total incognito. Isn’t that an X-Man character? Incognito. Her powers are that of total and utter anonymity. Strong enough to be able to comment on a reddit thread without her true identity ever being discovered!

It’s weird right? 

At the end of the day, I’m deeply afraid of being judged and of being finally found out as a fake or a fraud. There is a term for this, Imposter Syndrome and a million people have it.

Being judged is a part of life. We are being judged all the time, we are judging animals. I judge people in the grocery store every time I shop. It’s like my favorite thing to do. I scan their carts and make calls about their life based solely on the brand of juice and crackers they are buying. Try to deduce if they have kids or live alone. How their diet is going (or if they’ve just given up to a tide of emotional eating – another sacrificial lamb to the Gods Ben and Jerry). The carts I enjoy the most are the minimalistic ones: vodka and toothpaste, meat and body wash, beer and creamer. I do especially love a good champagne and flower cart (hey get lucky for me – winks).

So in a long distance roundabout way, what I’m trying to say is… it’s time for me to get over being judged. It’s happening anyway, whether I’m hiding or not. I’d ask you to be kind but that probably won’t happen either. So Instamamagram… judge my paintings… just my face, judge my #hashtags and maybe #stumble onto this blog – don’t be offended if I’m emotionally exposing my private parts to the public.

I may just be brave enough to share.