In the constant battle with self, it seems to me that I either have too much time for rumination or no time at all for self reflection. One moment I’ll be having a night where I’m circling the drain of an existential crisis. Bemoaning the fact that I wasted so much time in my youth without knowing the true value of relationships, my true value, the preciousness of time and the next minute I’m trying to string together two seconds to just get gas and groceries.

Blink and you’ll miss it.

I was feeling like I had an ocean of time to myself and now it’s running out and my child will be back soon from summer vacay. We will be off to the races, school, birthday parties, work, holidays, the whole nine yards.

Maybe I was just hoping for a little summer revelation. That this summer I would have solved the self-puzzle. That 60th book, the umpteenth crisis, and this is all when things are going relatively smoothy. The horror of it all.

I’m going to bring back the gratitude portion of these blogs because I have to remember that there is always something to be grateful for – even when you are panicking.

Gratitude:

I’m grateful for the weekend visit with my sister and the injection of youth and wonder provided by her 4-year old. Kids that age are like little house elves, full of wonder and mischief and ridiculously huge senses of self. It’s all about crayons and crackers, cartoons and milk. Blankets and stuffies. All it takes to make them happy is to splash in a pool for an hour.

Intent:

Today I will relax and give myself time. I won’t panic because everything won’t get done and that’s okay. I’ll do what is in my power to do. Relax and the rest will be okay. Be gentle and know that I am enough. I am doing enough, I am being enough.