Life is a pile on. It’s not ever going to just be one thing. It’ll be a complex web of a multitude of things that you might not ever be able to fix. Turning 40 and realizing you are on the slippery slide of the downhill part of life. Managing a 12-year old on the cusp of teen-ville and all the potholes and angsts that come with that. Being slowly squeezed to death at work by an ever growing mob. There are times when you know that you are in the wrong, that you’ve wronged, and that is self-awareness. And there are times when you realize that you’ve found yourself in an enclave full of people that are actively and bitterly wronging and have no idea that they aren’t justified in their deeds. And that’s a little scary, but I guess the scariest party is figuring out that you have the power to leave.

The workshop talked about a sober dating plan. Is there a sober life plan? Is there a way to deal with the stresses of living in an American society that doesn’t involve the invention of craft beer and benzodiazepines. What kind of place have we made where the animals are constantly stressed by the experiment so much so that they are fleeing the ship either by suicide or ex-pating out. I could consider busting my hump here or flee to South America with my 401K. Sounds better than death.

Sorry, this is such a vague and weird entry. I’m paranoid. I’m tired. I’m bloated. It’s Monday and I’m feeling impatient. I want a sign of hope that the future will be bright and I’ll be able to slay my dragons.

Intention.

Patience. Lean into the discomfort, lean in hard. Learn. Love. Even when it’s not going to be reciprocated.

“You can’t spend your whole life holding the door open for people and then being angry they didn’t thank you. Nobody asked you to hold the f*cking door.”

— Lisa Caputo (Orange is the New Black)